A Forty Year Tutorial

Reflecting this month on the last 40 years of our marriage, we decided that we wanted to share with those we love some of the things that we have learned. We know that marriage is great sanctifying tool in God’s hand.

We have not arrived but we have learned a few things. We are experiencing the joy of a life-long love and we welcome the tutorials. The following are some of the principles from our Forty Year Tutorial:

  1. Marriages that last more than a ‘breath mint’ are comprised of two forgivers.
  2. Never stop courting. Never stop dating.
  3. Protect and guard your heart from anyone entering the place that belongs to your spouse.
  4. Fall in love, over and over again.
  5. Communication is the life-giver of a relationship-whether you are verbal or non-verbal.
  6. Always see the best in each other. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
  7. It’s never my job to change my spouse-God size job-no trespassing in this territory.
  8. Don’t blame your spouse for your frustration or anger-spouse does not make you angry only reveals your anger. Spouse does not annoy you but exposes you.
  9. Give each other space to grow and dream-resist suffocating one another.
  10. Marriage takes place on a battlefield, not at Disney World.
  11. Your spouse is not your enemy, you are on the same team.
  12. Praying together daily has been invaluable to our marriage.
  13. Too much time apart-isolation kills relationships.
  14. Though we were broken when we got married, we both agreed on sound biblical blueprints for our marriage.
  15. Being vulnerable and willing to confess your struggles to your spouse-fortifies rather than undermines the relationship. Recognizing we are faithful though flawed.
  16. We learned that marriage by God is to be missional-hence the tag team for Jesus mantra.
  17. The early years of marriage are full of mistakes but this rookie season needs to have a time limit-one doesn’t need to be making the same mistakes in the 40th year.
  18. Never use the D-word in marriage. (D for divorce)
  19. Honor your parents. Ken and I always did what was right towards our parents-even when it was hard.
  20. Different isn’t wrong; it’s just different. Now for the two most opposite people, this has been a LONG tutorial but we have learned to laugh at our differences rather than whine!
  21. Marriage is sanctifying; teaching us to live less self-absorbed and more God absorbed.
  22. Our home needs to be a storm shelter-a safe place to be when struggling.
  23. Suffering does not need to drive you apart-it can be used by God for deeper oneness.
  24. Loss is part of life and increases with age. Ken and I want to finish well together.
  25. Women spell romance differently than men. Learn each other’s love language.
  26. Our marriage needs to be built to outlast our kids.
  27. Build too many guardrails around your marriage rather than too few. Our marriages are worth protecting.
  28. To be intentional about meeting each other’s needs-(read His Needs Her Needs).
  29. Always see the best in your spouse-if necessary do a criticism fast.
  30. Be careful to not place your children before your spouse.
  31. Be silly and add some “fun activities” to your pressured life and pace.
  32. Be present and sensitive of CPA-“continual partial attention” through technology.
  33. Become smaller, not bigger, in the lives of our adult children.
  34. Stay healthy so you can enjoy each other and the grandkids in your “older years!”
  35. Learn to laugh more and complain less.
  36. Continue to grow spiritually which blesses your marriage with God confidence.
  37. DO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY WITH YOUR SPOUSE-or you will wake up a little less in love.
  38. The most important thing a husband can do as a father is LOVE his wife.
  39. The most important thing a wife can do as a mother is RESPECT her husband.
  40. Whether marriage or family, it all about the Glory of God.

So many of you have been supporting the Kendall Tag Team for 25 of our 40 years. Ken and I are so grateful for your sacrificial support that allows us to continue not only learning but sharing with hundreds of people what our tutorials have been. Would you prayerfully consider a special year-end financial gift to our ministry? Your giving is extremely important over this next month.

Please partner with us to touch lives for His Glory.

We pray you have a blessed and wonderful Christmas.

Love from a 40 Year Old Tag Team for Jesus,

Ken and Jackie

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