It is absolutely natural to “watch out for and care for” those you love: family and friends. But recently while studying a very familiar verse I discovered an assignment that ALL of us have been given.

            “Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” (Heb. 12:15)

The first four words, look after each other, are an assignment for each believer. We are instructed to “give attention and take care” of each other. This assignment can also be described as “shepherding” one another. Why do we need to look out for one another? Each of us has times in our life when we are vulnerable to bitterness; when our faith is outrun by our suffering. Suffering without encouragement is soul soil that a poisonous root can begin to burrow into our heart.

It has always felt like and oxymoron to use the terms “bitter” and “Christian in the same sentence. But as I thought about some of the bitter Christians I know, I began to consider the possible neglect that resulted in their bitter condition. I have wondered where were the Christians who neglected their assignment to “look after each other.” We as Christians are to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ (Gal. 6:1-2). Another aspect of this assignment is that my neglect of watching out for my Christian siblings, not only harms my sibling but also will harm me inevitably, bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” How ironic, when I am too busy to “look after each other,” this neglect of my spiritual siblings is actually self-harming. Our spiritual life is not only our responsibility but also the responsibility of our big forever family. In this New Year, “Don’t forget to ‘look after each other’ because; we are family!”

Recently I read little book with a BIG MESSAGE. It was so encouraging that I wish I had lots of money and I could buy copies for everyone I know and love that is married. The book is very little, not complex but the message is so profound. Just one quote from the book is worth the purchase. Here is that quote:

“One choice changes the construction of a life. You’ll NEVER experience the joy and tenderness of a LIFELONG LOVE unless you FIGHT FOR IT.”

           The title of this Christmas gift for your marriage is: A Marriage Carol by Chris Fabry and Gary Chapman. Why not consider giving this little book to the one you love this Christmas? On my birthday last year, a young pastor’s wife gave me a THANK YOU birthday card, thanking me for cheering her on as she “fights for her marriage.” This little book made me think of her remark.

            Ken and I have been fighting for our marriage as of this month, for 37 years! We are in a season of such joy and love that I feel so spoiled! I believe that too many marriages never experience the joy of a lifelong love because they QUIT on their Marriages before they get to the BEST PART! Our children are now BOTH MARRIED and Ken and I pray that they will have the courage and faith to fight for their marriages rather than “faith-less-ly” run away from marital struggles.

We are all familiar with the passage of scripture that instructs us to give thanks in all things. I have spent years trying to grasp the depth of this verse. My precious mentor Bettye often jokes about wanting to remove one verse from the Bible and it is I Thess. 5:18

“give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

I have practiced giving thanks in all types of trying situations and this faith filled thanksgiving ultimately leads to joy. Ironically, when storms arrive thanksgiving isn’t the first response. Too often our first response to an emotional storm is a vain grasping to gain control of an often untamable situation. Ironically, the more one tries to control the chaos of the storm, one ends up destroying one’s joy. How could one have joy in life’s storms? A person forfeits this joy when they refuse to apply I Thess. 5:18.

Giving thanks in every situation is not only an act of faith but also a bridge that allows one to walk boldly into surrender. This faith-filled surrender allows the one giving thanks to experience joy in a storm. Such joy flows from the reality of the emptying of our will. This is the secret of joy’s flame, humble surrender. Jesus experienced this joy going to the cross. The joy set before Jesus (Heb. 12:2) allowed Him to surrender to the cross; emptied of His will and surrendering to the Father’s will. Jesus walked out of the storm of Gethsemane with joy set before Him because of the joyful, “not my will but Thine be done!”

As I have read and re-read the preceding paragraph, I have decided that we need to edit the way we end our prayers. Instead of tacking on the common phrase: “in Jesus” name, I think a more perfect ending to our prayers should be: “Not my will but Thine be done.” (Matt.26:39) Such a closing to one’s prayer is a demonstration of not only my surrender but a confident thanksgiving; even in a storm.

           Recently another dear friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. I was sharing this information with someone who didn’t know yet about our friend’s cancer and her immediate reply was, “O Sweet Jesus.” I smiled when my friend said; “O Sweet Jesus” and I began to think about the most common reply to bad news: O. M. G. As I pondered the reply to bad news, I began to wonder about lamenting and complaining when suffering knocks on the door of our lives. Lament or complain what is the difference between these two responses to suffering? Is one more biblical? Is lamenting Biblical? Here is a great explanation I read in the best seller, “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp

            “Lamenting is the cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaining is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father’s heart. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic.”

My precious friend who just learned about her cancer said, “I am choosing HOPE (based on Ps.62:5) rather than fear.” This precious friend is refusing the enemies’ lie that God is not good. Instead she is declaring boldly to others that NOTHING CAN SEPARATE HER from the love of God, not even cancer! She is making her cancer a megaphone to proclaim the ultimate goodness of God. She also shared with me that as she awaited the results of her biopsy she knew in her heart that she had cancer and she heard the Lord whisper, “a gift is coming.” Our theories and theology are ‘stillborn, if they don’t take on flesh. I am in awe! Talk about making Jesus look stunning!

   We had a guest this summer that was such a blessing that her visit was just too short. During hours of sharing heart to heart, I was sharing a new message that I was developing titled “Glory Robbers.” I shared how I felt that we were created to bring God glory but we are constantly robbing Him of the glory He is due. I shared how too many Christians have made their life so “Me-Centric” that they are daily glory robbers.

    “I was thinking more about being a “glory-robber” and I remembered an illustration that happened to me back in May, and maybe you could use it in your material. Being a glory-robber is like being a bridesmaid who is more worried about making herself look good rather than making sure the bride and groom look good and have all they need. I was a bridesmaid back in May, I just kept thinking that as I watched all of the other bridesmaids getting ready and worrying about how THEY looked and such. I just kept thinking, “No one is even going to be looking at us, we are delusional if at any point in this wedding we think it is about US as bridesmaids.”   And then it ticked me right off when some of this girl’s (close childhood friends) who were bridesmaids, were really only conveniently around when the photographers or videographers were around but they were nowhere to be seen when it was time to take down the reception hall or unload trucks back at home.  Glory robbers often serve the bride of Christ and the Groom, when it is convenient for them or publicity is involved.  These were just some thoughts, take it or leave it, just thought I would share”. C. V.

After our wonderful guest left, she was pondering the “Glory Robber” theme and she sent the following:

“everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my Glory” (Isaiah 43:7)

Let’s not be like the delusional, me-centric bridesmaids in the story above. May we resist the temptation of being an “ovation-aholic” and strive to be a true servant of the King. Such a servant is comfortable with esteeming others more important than themselves (Phil. 2:3).

“David said, ‘My son Solomon is still young and inexperienced.And since the Temple to be built for the LORD must be a magnificent structure, famous and glorious throughout the world, I will begin making preparations for it now. So David collected vast amounts of building materials before his death. I worked hard to provide materials for building the Temple of the LORD, nearly 4,000 tons of gold, 40,000 tons of silver, and so much iron and bronze that it cannot be weighed”

(I Chron. 22:5,14)

These verses and chapters 28 and 29 of I Chronicles spoke so deeply to my heart. First you have a father, King David, who in his final years is laboring to prepare to help his son fulfill his God given assignment, even after David has died. Secondly, I began to consider that when I wrote the book, The Mentoring Mom, I was providing some cedar logs, stones, nails and bronze for young moms in fulfilling their God given assignment of discipling (mentoring) their children and the children of their children’s friends! Last but not least, this summer has been filled with many random mentoring moments where Ken and I have given “nails, logs and some silver and gold” to help many of God’s girls who long to fulfill their God given purpose. Whether it was gold for a mission trip or silver wisdom helping two different girls decide which seminary would develop their unique gifting. We were able to give cedar logs of courage in processing the deep heart wound of abuse with a couple girls. These supplies for doing God’s Will continue to flow over the internet and AT&T from our home. Below are some of the recipients:

Devotion under the Stars

JACKIE: Tonight, we are talking about a lady of security and contentment! God has been so good Jackie! I will have to take a picture and send you one of all us girls! Tonight, we are going to be meeting super late because we all work during the day, so I am hoping to have a “Devotion Under the Stars” kind of night. It has been such a joy sharing with these girls your book and all you taught me at PBA! I cannot wait to see you in the fall! (Kelsey)

More: Cedar Logs, Iron Nails, Stones and Bronze

Oh Jackie Jackie Jackie!

I am so excited about all that God is doing. The Bible study went from 3 girls the first night to 11 girls last week. God is so good. This week we focused on Lady of Faith and when I tell you that I felt the Holy Spirit moving in each of those girls, Jackie I am getting the chills even thinking about it!! The girls had so much to say and so much to comment on about how faith is the only thing that sustains you. One of the girls opened up and shared her heart with the group about the struggles she had with her family back home, (she is from Barcelona) and she told us how the Lord is so faithful to those who just believe. She is now so excited about returning to Spain and sharing what she has learned. (We mailed this girl a Spanish version of Lady in Waiting-to share with others when she returns home.) Jackie I am so excited at all that He is teaching these girls! Continue to be praying for each and every one of the girls as they continue this journey to be a lady in waiting, waiting for the Lord’s best for their life. (Brittany)

So glad we are connected. I have begun reading your book “Lady in Waiting” it truly has changed my life. I am no longer on hold! 🙂 God Bless you (Micheleluce )

Have I told you lately how much I love you? Grateful beyond words for our phone time today. You’re the best! (Sami)

Have you ever seen those ladders that have some “give” to them? They are sturdy but can bend a little when someone hurries up them. I told a group of women that I felt the perfect Father’s Day gift would be this ladder. Some 80 women looked at me quite puzzled with this particular gift suggestion. I assured them that I had a perfectly good reason for such a gift. I reminded them about the study we had been doing on the topic, “When a Man Doesn’t Need a Woman.” We had been talking about a woman’s tendency to want to control not only her children, but also her husband.

One of the most common techniques employed by women for control is nagging. Now, women hate the reference to nagging about as much as they hate the jokes about PMS. One day I mustered enough courage to read some of the common references on a nagging woman (see Prov. 19:13; 21:9-19; 27:15). One of the verses implies that a man is better off being a “roof-top dweller” (see Prov. 21:9) than living in a house with a nagging woman. As soon as I finished reading that verse, I saw a man placing a ladder on the side of his house and hurrying up the ladder to his roof. I started laughing at the thought of a man having to sit on his roof to escape his nagging wife and find a moment of peace with the God who made his wife!

Then I thought about the concept of a place that a man can hurry to when his wife begins to nag. So I brainstormed a trip to Home Depot where a woman could buy a ladder and place it on the side of her house with a ribbon around it for Father’s Day. Then the next time Mommy starts nagging Daddy, he can calmly walk out the door, climb the ladder, and wait for her to calm down. I envisioned a whole neighborhood where men were sitting on their roofs just after dinner. Just think of all the fights that this ladder could prevent. What a quiet but potent visual reminder that nagging never changed one individual on planet Earth!

As I thought about the escape ladder, the Lord showed me that most men already have their escape routes down pat, whether it is tinkering in the garage, hunting every weekend (see Prov. 21:19), staring at the TV or computer, or even sitting behind the newspaper. Each man develops his own technique of muting his wife’s voice. The saddest aspect of this reality is; when a man must develop a means of muting out his wife’s nagging voice, he also carelessly mutes out her voice of love, encouragement, wisdom, and respect.

“At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Suddenly, the Lord’s words flashed through Peter’s mind: before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.”

LUKE 22:61

For me, one of the most incomparable aspects of God’s Word is that I can read a passage more than 50 times and still notice something new and heart wrenching! When I read this passage, 7 words grabbed my heart, “the Lord turned and looked at Peter.” Just as Peter finishes denying Jesus for the 3rd time, he receives a “glance from Jesus.” Oh the power of a glance from the Savior, soul wrenching without saying anything. As I thought about this moment in Peter’s life, I began to ponder the impact of a glance from Jesus every time I deny Him. How do I deny Jesus? Every time I do not live the truth that Jesus has taught me through the Word, I am living a denial of the truth. For example, when I am anxious and worried about something, I am denying in practice Jesus’ instruction: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life” (Matt. 6:25).

Oh for a glance from the Savior every time I choose worry over trust. I was considering putting a picture of Jesus in every room of my house, so I would have a visual glance available when I am acting like a “practicing atheist”.