One of the greatest mentors of my life spiritually in print, (mentored by this author) relocated to heaven recently and I was thrilled to see an article about Elisabeth Elliot in World Magazine. As I was enthusiastically devouring the article the last paragraph was a quote by E. Elliot that I had never read. It touched my heart so deeply that I ran for our printer and made copies of the article to share with others. I couldn’t wait to write this month’s letter so I could share the quote with each of you.

Before I type the quote I want you to know that it so profoundly touched my heart because I have been running a low grade fever in my soul for months. Daily I have looked for clarity and insight in God’s Word. I am comforted daily during my time with Jesus but I still know my soul could use an infusion of heavenly vitamin C. As I read E. Elliot’s quote, the IV was hooked up to my soul and the infusion of hope was pouring in to my heart!

“While it is perfectly true that some of my worst fears did, in fact, materialize, I see them now as ‘an abyss and mass of mercies,’ appointed and assigned by a loving and merciful Father who see the end from the beginning and He asks us to trust Him.”

This quote so profoundly impacted my soul that when I was quoting it to a couple that we have mentored, the wife asked, “Did you just memorize that paragraph?” I thought about it and responded, “When something touches my soul, I find it particularly easy to remember!” That is probably why I have found memorizing God’s Word not a hardship-my soul is touched and the Words are recorded like wall paper on the wall of my soul.

This post on Facebook by Pastor Tim Cash (Modern John the Baptist – my nickname for him) brilliantly captured Ken’s and my heart about the Supreme Court’s Ruling on June 26^th. Here is Pastor Cash’s ponderings:

These are mere reflections. I have family members that I love that are living in the struggles of sexual bondage. I have battled sexual sin, pride, arrogance, lust, conceit, rebellion and many other flesh driven issues over the years. That being said, I do not write this with any condemnation BUT with much compassion. I am not mad. I am just sharing from a heart that is heavy.

GK Chesterton said “that tolerance is the virtue for the man with no conviction.”

We must define what is meant by being Tolerant in today’s world. Tolerance today means respecting and even supporting someone’s opinions, practices, and behavior even if their opinions, practices, and behavior are sinful or promote sin. This is crucial!!!Loving the person but not accepting and respecting the behavior or practice when God calls it sin. Can tolerance and truth co-exist?

Based on this definition above, since tolerance accepts sin and God doesn’t, it is impossible for tolerance and truth to co-exist. What is the effect of tolerance? For the believer, acceptance of tolerance affects his spiritual life; specifically, the understanding of Christ and His Word, the ability to love and worship, and the freedom to live the spiritual life. What does the Bible say about tolerance? But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray so that they commit acts of immorality… (Revelation 2:20)

We believe that:
The Core fabric of a healthy society is the family that is made up of a man and a woman. Not same sex homosexuality or lesbianism. I have met some Christians that judge homosexuals as hopeless and assign a higher degree of sinfulness to homosexual behavior than their own sin that separated them initially from God. Sin is Sin! All sin is wrong. But the greater mistake that most people make is assigning a moral identity to homosexual behavior and never looking beyond the surface to what the root of homosexual behavior really is.

Reality is this: every human being that has ever existed struggles with lies about our self-perception and this leads us to intense self-focus. Personality differences can determine the path our own sin will lead us down. When we can grasp that reality, none of us are really that different from the next person. We ALL need a Savior. We ALL need Jesus.

I am praying for REPENTANCE and REVIVAL. Truth is narrow.  Struggles are wide spread. Truth cares for those who struggle. Same sex attraction is a struggle of the flesh. It’s a real struggle for some. God calls it sin to live in a same sex relationship. That’s the Truth. Can people repent? Yes. I am living proof.

Tolerance is accepting that lifestyle as being OK and even some have voiced that it is orchestrated by The Lord. Truth is narrow. Repentance and Submission to Jesus is the call. I do not want to see others enter a slippery slope of reasoning. This is a huge issue. When Truth is compromised, it hi-jacks our intimacy with The Savior. As a person who loves Jesus we cannot negotiate certain passages in order to not be offensive to anyone.

Many have concluded that you are born that way. I believe based on scripture that we are born into SIN and have a great ability to pursue the desires of the flesh. The Truth speaks about being righteous, holy, sanctified, sin, confession, repentance etc. We love people!!!! We have compassion for people. We believe the Gospel is inclusive. We believe that certain lifestyle choices are excluded. God loves the person but states that living in sin can lead to an abomination.

“Go throughout the city of Jerusalem and put a mark on the foreheads of those who grieve and lament over all the detestable things that are done in it.”(Ez. 9:4)

Ken and I have been marked in our grief but so encouraged by Tim’s reflections.

Because of the involvement Ken and I have with so many people, we are weekly hearing about the trials, difficulties and suffering that Christians are experiencing. Just last week we heard about a precious sister in Jesus whose husband and son are both presently battling cancer.

Although we are always ready to comfort with God’s Word and prayer, recently we learned something new to do when we are facing not only our own suffering but the suffering of precious fellow believers. What God showed us was in a most common passage but the nugget was not common and it was new for our souls.

“And when He arose from prayer, He came to the disciples and found them sleeping for sorrow, and He said to them, ‘Why are you sleeping? Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.'” (Luke 22:45, 46)

The first new thing we noticed was the disciples were ‘sleeping’ in their sorrow rather than praying. How often do we try to sleep off our sorrow? How often do we head to the TV, refrigerator, mall or a bar to handle our sorrow? We are all aware of the detours we take away from the King’s highway when we are in sorrow-not a new concept. What we hadn’t noticed was the remark by Jesus to pray that you may not enter into temptation.

Ask yourself this question, when you hear of suffering do you pray for the person to not fall/enter into temptation? I want to confess that I pray many things for others when suffering has knocked on their life door but I must admit I have NOT EVER MADE A HABIT of praying for the vulnerability that one will face during the time of suffering. Ken and I began to discuss the list of people and poor choices that were made during a time of sorrow! Vulnerability during a time of sorrow is something we must all pray about in our own lives and the lives of those we love. How ironic, that in the Lord’s Prayer Jesus tells us to pray that we are not ‘lead into temptation’ and then He mentions the vulnerability to temptation in the Garden of Gethsemane when disciples were ‘sleeping in their sorrow.’

Spend some time considering your own vulnerability to temptation during a past time of sorrow. Consider adding to your prayers for others who are facing great sorrow… ‘keep them from temptation God.’ I wonder if Peter had prayed rather than sleep, might his denial of Jesus have been prevented. I wonder if the other disciples had prayed rather than sleep, would they have fled in fear, leaving behind faithful, prayerful women who were last at the cross, first to the grave!

Can you think of a moment during this year already when during a trial or sorrow, you found yourself considering yielding to a temptation that you would have NEVER said ‘yes’ to during a time of peace and joy?

I have a wonderful friend who is the mother of six adult children. We were having lunch one day when she made a remark that caused me to burst out laughing. My friend has the kindest heart and the sweetest voice, so when this sentence came out of her mouth-I almost couldn’t contain myself. We were discussing the challenges of parenting adult children when she said, “I have come to the conclusion that the best way to parent adult children is to SHUT UP. Now for some people, Shut Up might as well be a curse word; but I can assure you that it is life-impacting wisdom for any parent of an adult child. If you have not learned this invaluable piece of wisdom and you continue

to try and control your adult children, you may eventually not have a relationship with your adult children.

If your adult child asks your opinion or advice, I advise that even then you proceed with caution. I have always been quick to reply to any question, but my adult children have been a great tutorial in being SLOW TO SPEAK and QUICK TO LISTEN (James 1:19). I know many parents who think they are still large and in charge of their adult children…and I have also observed how far away many of these children have moved!

I was reading an interview of a young movie star who is the age of our daughter, and she was being asked about being a new mom. She remarked about the joys of motherhood, but she also remarked about all the “unsolicited advice” she is constantly receiving. I grinned when I read her remark, because I thought to myself, “She is hearing from adults who haven’t learned the deep lesson of not giving advice unless asked.”

Ken and I have several friends who, like us, only contribute when asked. Several of us as parents of adult children have taken the free time we now have and are prayerfully looking for opportunities to teach, mentor, and advise young couples who are hungry for wisdom and insight that they did not grow up with and who could use some input. The local church is constantly looking for mentors for younger couples. Therefore, instead of driving your grown kids crazy in your attempts to control them as adults, take all those brain cells and holy sweat and pour into hungry couples who really need and want direction for their marriage and their parenting journey. Too often we are trying to feed those who are not hungry and we totally ignore the starving young people around us.

During the last six weeks of incessant testing and appointments, Ken and I have attempted to ‘live life FULLY-while waiting.’ Remember the book I am writing on control, well it has preached to me during this Waiting journey. Ken is so much better at waiting than I am. WHY? Because my default setting on anxiety kicks into high gear when waiting is prolonged. Here is an excerpt that reveals the danger of worrying about test results, etc.

A controlling woman doesn’t lose sleep because she actually did not finish her work, she has insomnia because of the tormenting “what ifs” running through her head. I learned that when I am in a “what if” mindset, I have moved into the realm of the hypothetical, and God’s grace is not available for such delusional anxiety. I learned the principle of no grace for the hypothetical from a deeply godly man whom I dubbed, “my personal prophet.”

Now, why is it bad to have the fear of things that might happen? Al shared, what is so crippling about my thoughts of “what if” is there is no grace for a hypothetical situation. Grace is only available for reality. Grace is not available for the things I’m anxious might happen, i.e., (Ken possible having lung cancer). My delusional fears block God’s grace, because my fears are not grounded in reality but fantasy. God’s grace is available when we come boldly unto the throne of grace in a time of need. God’s grace is available for time of need not for the tormented hypothetical time of need. God’s grace is available and sufficient for today. Right now. And the moment I step ahead into the future, I will be anxious, because I am trying to borrow grace from tomorrow. When the torment of “what if” begins in my head, God’s grace doesn’t go there. God’s grace is for “what is” not for “what if?”.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

Now, when I am anxious about pending test results, I immediately examine my heart for the lurking fantasy of the hypothetical, and I repent and stay in the moment where grace is.

With much relief, thanks, and praise to Jesus, after Ken’s bronchoscopy, the doctor saw no cancer in his lungs. We still don’t know what the infection is. We continue to wait for all the cultures to grow and mature, or for complete healing.

In 2004 Ken received the news that he had a tumor in his right kidney. As we walked to the car after the appointment, Ken’s first response to the news of cancer was, “Just think of all the Medical personnel I will get to witness to.” Of course that was not my first reply, mine was more a cranky lament. Ken’s calm delight in God’s Sovereignty at that moment just brought me to tears. Ten years later Ken goes for a CT scan and receives the surprising news that there is a new active disease (lymphadenopathy-aspergillus fumigatus) in his left lung. This virulent fungus has not responded to weeks of antibiotics. As the doctor now refers Ken to two other specialists and schedules a PET scan and biopsy once again, “Ken moves in calm delight in his Papa God.”

Recently I was reading a book by Vicki Courtney titled Move On and in one of the chapters she expounded on a common passage in James about having “joy in our trials’ (James 1:2-3). As Vicki was developing this passage, one of the definitions of joy in the Greek was ‘calm delight.’ I had a fit because ‘calm delight’ is a perfect description of Ken’s inspiring response to every trial that comes his way-he moves in ‘calm delight’ in God’s faithfulness.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”(James 1:2-3)

Here is what Vicki shared about this ‘joy-calm delight’:

“This type of joy is not a sudden burst of euphoria. This kind of joy doesn’t get your heart pumping or leave you smiling uncontrollably from ear to ear. It is an established pattern or a way of life. It is a learned process. A calm delight is not manufactured in a moment. It is practiced over the course of many moments, hours, days, and months. Joy is not linked to the circumstances. It is linked to the end result of the circumstances. Joy comes because there is purpose, meaning, and a finished work. Our joy is connected to God’s handiwork and presence in the midst of the desert. We’d be masochists to be joyful in the very moment our hearts are breaking.”

During a teary eyed moment, considering Ken’s physical struggles that lay ahead, the Lord whispered three words to me from Exodus 2:25 “—and God knew.” By faith I rest in the fact that Papa God knew this was on the Kendall Adventure Calendar for 2015.

Because Ken and I see you as a dear friend, we wanted to share an amazing bouquet of roses we received with each of you. For our 40th Anniversary, our oldest and dearest friend DeDe Kendall (as well as sister-in-love) gave us an extraordinary bouquet of roses. With the bouquet came the following tribute to our marriage. We humbly share it with you our dear friends.

Each rose represents your love story…

The Red rose represents the enduring love and respect that has enabled you to preserve a lasting love for forty years. Jesus has been your first love, your highest priority and that has made all the difference in your marriage! Ephesians 5:25, 33

The White rose represents the spiritual purity that you have guarded during your forty years of committed love. Proverbs 4:23

The Pink rose represents the immeasurable grace that God has deposited into your hearts for forty years; His amazing grace has sustained your marriage thorough the storms of life. 1 Peter 5:10

The Yellow rose represents the joy of your friendship. You have maintained an enduring friendship for over forty years. You not only love each other, but you actually like one another too! Proverbs 27:9

The Peach rose represents the enthusiasm and desire you share in knowing Christ. Your highest value in life has been to passionately know and serve God. Deut. 6:5

The Lavender rose represents enchantment. It has been said that the lavender rose is the rarest and most visually stunning of all the roses. Congratulations on your 40th Wedding Anniversary; it is both rare and stunning to build a marriage that goes the distance!!! Your love for each other has grown stronger and deeper with time. Thank you for your visually stunning and rare example of a lasting love! Song of Solomon 6:3

DeDe’s loving tribute was so stunning for us and so fitting from her. WHY? Ken led DeDe to Jesus when she was 14 and baptized her and then I mentored her for years and we became the best of friends. Then 26 years after leading DeDe to Jesus, Ken performs her wedding ceremony as she marries Ken’s older brother Gary. Talk about a love story!

The love story continues…while buying cool shoes for Ken for Christmas, one of the salesman asked me an interesting question, “How long have you been married?” I replied, “WHY?” He said, “you are so happy about getting your husband such cool shoes I assumed you are a newlywed!” When I told the young man that we are getting ready to celebrate our 40th anniversary, he was stunned. I told him that because of Jesus my husband and I have stayed together even when life was so hard that we could have easily “tapped out” of the struggle! Shining for the King, even when buying shoes! (Mario’s comment at shoe store)